Rhetoric of an Almost Love
by MinaBR
Summary: Like the late blooming flowers surrounding them, a promise of love coloured their hearts. Unforgettable words painted a dream of a future that was never meant to be. A bittersweet tale of love denied.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**AN: **This story is almost completely written in dialogue form. It will be updated three times a day – 48 short chapters of 100-120 words, plus a prologue, an epilogue and an outtake. Please note that on the day of the prologue's, the epilogue's and the outtake's publication there will be only one update.

I hope you like it.

* * *

**_Prologue_**

A chance meeting in an ordinary afternoon started something that transcended the limits of time, reaching out to my aged mind with the sweet ache of love unfulfilled. Even as my memories fade, unwilling victims of the inexorable succession of years, I stubbornly refuse to forget the details of the face I came to adore.

From the past my first love smiles, beckoning me to lie on the grass and gaze at the stars, just like we used to do whenever protect by the shield of trees, lured by the beauty of our bluebell meadow.

I can still smell the unique scent of our encounters, an amalgam of crushed grass, late blooming flowers and life waiting to happen. Sometimes, the voice of my beloved invades my dreams, repeating the words of so long ago, the ones forever imprinted in my brain.

Apart from the world, we abandoned our public personas and were free to just be. On those ethereal moments of existing beyond our self imposed trappings, we defied the odds and shared the intimacy of baring our souls.

Though I never learned the secrets of the body that first awakened my desire, I will forever remain in love with the beautiful soul with whom I shared long conversations throughout my seventeenth summer.

Now, in the twilight of my life, I spend my days revisiting the season when love was a possibility.


	2. Chapter 2

**An entire day without Internet. *Sighs***

**Here is the chapter.**

* * *

**"So, this is where weirdos come to feel normal."**

"What a witty observation. But I wonder ... since you are here too, what does that make you?"

**"An innocent passerby."**

"You are neither innocent, nor a passerby. A passerby would be already gone by now instead of standing right in front of me. Innocence implies lack of participation and since you are talking to me ... You get the gist."

**"Still it doesn't put me in the same category as you are." **

"Which brings me back to my original question."

**"I don't have to answer you."**

"You don't have to, but I think you want to."

**"You know nothing."**


	3. Chapter 3

**"Still licking your wounds?"**

"Still stalking me?"

**"Are you crazy? I'm not stalking you."**

"Hum, then maybe destiny is trying to throw us together."

**"I don't even know how to respond to that." **

"Don't say anything, baby. Take my hand and let's start our happily-ever-after."

**"I knew it! You have the hots for me. Yeah, that makes sense ... You are the one doing the stalking."**

"What?"

**"Magically appearing on my spot."**

"Your spot? It's closer to my home than it is to yours."

**"No, baby. This meadow has been my hiding place ever since I was a kid."**

"It doesn't make it yours."

**"My claim is older."**

"I don't care."


	4. Chapter 4

**"It's the third day in a row that you barge into my territory."**

"I have been coming here for the past three years and I never saw you. As far as I'm concerned this meadow has no owners – finders, keepers."

**"I'm feeling quite magnanimous, so will even let you have half of my meadow."**

"You are letting me? You pompous, piece of ... "

**"Tsk, tsk, no swearing in my sacred place." **

"Ah, but I own half of it. It's no long your sacred place."

**"I'm mature enough to concede the point – it's our sacred place. Ours alone, baby."**

"It should be mine alone, but I don't feel like arguing. Just keep to your side and let me enjoy the sun."


	5. Chapter 5

**"So, you decided to show up for our date."**

"My comings and goings are none of your business. Besides we don't have a date, I only come here when the mood strikes."

**"Oh, you wound me."**

"Mortally, I should hope."

**"Should, but doesn't – another proof of your devotion." **

"You know what? I'm tired of fighting my attraction. Come here let me kiss you and rub my body all over yours. I can't take it anymore, please, please, take me."

**"You don't really mean that, right?"**

"Of course not. I wouldn't sully myself by being in close contact with you. But we both know that you wouldn't want that anyway. So, quit the flirting, ok?"


	6. Chapter 6

**"The flirting thing comes naturally to me – it's like my primary means of communication. Truly, I wasn't hitting on you, I was just making conversation."**

"Don't worry, I never thought you truly meant to flirt with me."

**"So, don't you have friends to hang out with?"**

"None of your business."

**"Touchy."**

"Get lost."

**"All my friends are away for the summer, alas I'm stuck here." **

"I'm not taking the bait."

**"We could at least try to be civil to each other."**

"Why should I bother?"

**"Because strangers are friends just waiting to be found."**

"That's so corny."


	7. Chapter 7

**"Read any books recently?"**

"That's the most unoriginal conversation opener in the history of human communication."

**"That's a very unkind observation."**

"I'm not a kind person."

**"It doesn't mean you can't fake it – that's what most of us do."**

"Oh, and faking isn't unkind?"

**"It is, but at least it doesn't hurt the other person's feelings."**

"Pshhh, spare me the emotional blackmail. I haven't hurt your feelings."

**"Yeah, but you could have."**

"I think it's better to say the truth, always. It can be hurtful from time to time, but lies can never stand the test of time – eventually the truth comes out, hurting the very person we meant to protect."


	8. Chapter 8

**"Are you going to answer my question?"**

"Which one?"

**"Kitten, I know you have claws. Now, just tuck them in, if you please. I meant the one about books."**

"Why are you asking me about books? Oh, I get it. I'm always alone and I'm socially inept, therefore I must be the tortured intellectual sort. Is that it?"

**"Why are you so defensive all the time? I asked you because I love to read and I don't have many friends who share my hobby. I'm sorry if I offended you. From now on, I will keep to my side and stay quiet since you obviously don't appreciate my conversational skills."**


	9. Chapter 9

"Anna Karenina. Anna Karenina is my favourite book."

**"Tolstoy, impressive."**

"I'm not trying to impress you, nitwit."

**"Stop being so bloody sensitive. It was a compliment."**

"Oh ... "

**"Yeah, 'oh'. Why are you like this?"**

"Try being the outcast, then I will care to listen you lecturing me."

**"And how are people supposed to befriend you? You are always fighting back, pushing away."**

"It's just the way I am – take it or leave it."

**"I think this isn't your true self – this snarky, anti-social, overly sensitive shell of a person. It's a façade, a defence mechanism."**

"Maybe it is, but what's it to you?"

**"I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to get to know you."**


	10. Chapter 10

"Sorry if I'm a bit sceptical – it isn't every day that the bastion of popularity takes an interest on little old me."

**"Fine, have it your way."**

"So you are just going to shut up?

"No response? What are you, four?

"I see where you are going with this. Reverse psychology, right? Well, not going to happen. See, there is no use in trying to manipulate me – I'm smarter than that. You could just drop your little charade and revert to your not-so-charming self, because you are not going to win.

"What? Why are you laughing?"

**"Do you realize that you have been babbling non-stop?"**

"I was just trying to make a point."

**"Point taken – I win."**

"I hate you."


	11. Chapter 11

**"The pouting is getting old. You don't really hate me – you just love to pretend that you do."**

"You are so irritating, but I have to acknowledge that you are really good with words."

**"Does it mean that I have charmed my way into your heart?"**

"You just had to ruin it."

**"Sorry, I couldn't resist."**

"Next time, do try to practice some restraint."

**"Goody."**

"You are looking rather pleased with yourself."

**"I am."**

"Yeap, curiosity wins – why are you looking so content?"

**"You caved."**

"What?"

**"You said 'next time' which means that you have come to accept me as part of your routine."**

"The way you manipulate words ... You should be a politician."


	12. Chapter 12

**"I thought you wouldn't come today."**

"Why wouldn't I?"

**"The 'wedding of the century' is on."**

"As if I would waste my time with that nonsense. Besides, you are not watching it either."

**"Yeah, but you are a girl."**

"Jeesh, try to say it with a little more disdain."

**"Hey, I was merely stating the obvious. And I like girls just fine."**

"Yes, I'm aware. Back to the point: your comment was sexist to the extreme. Stereotyping girls is demeaning and offensive."

**"Don't get your panties into a twist. My sister is watching it, I just assumed ... "**

"That all girls are the same? That we are interchangeable?"

**"I just thought girls liked do play princess."**

"Humpf."

* * *

**AN:** July 29, 1981 – Over 700 million people worldwide watched the wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer – deemed the "wedding of the century".


	13. Chapter 13

**"Did you ever play Barbie?"**

"You spent all day yesterday trying to come up with a clever retort and that's all you've got?"

**"How did ... It doesn't matter. Just please answer my question."**

"Yes."

**"So, you are not so different from other girls which leads to the conclusion that my assumption that you would enjoy watching a fairy tale wedding isn't so farfetched."**

"Maybe I overreacted. I'm beyond annoyed with all the squealing over a wedding that is doomed to fail. He is going to break her heart with that indifferent demeanour of his."

**"Underneath it all, you aren't as cynical as you pretend to be."**

"Yeah, just don't tell anybody."

**"Your secret is safe with me."**


	14. Chapter 14

**"It looks like it's going to rain."**

"I know, but I want to stay here. I love the smell of wet grass and the heightened colour of the bluebells. I enjoy the feeling of rebirth that follows the rain, the sight of beings receiving a present from the skies."

**"One would never guess that there is so much poetry within you. Ever thought about becoming a writer?"**

"Forever lost in imaginary worlds, living a thousand lives in one lifetime, being the damsel in distress and the valiant knight who rescues her ... Being a writer is my dearest dream, but I don't know if I would ever be brave enough to bare my most intimate secrets to the world."


	15. Chapter 15

**"Don't let anything stop you from pursuing your dreams – not even yourself."**

"Some things are easier said than done. There is much to consider, including my own aptitude to put into words the stories playing in my mind. I wrote a couple of things, but what if I'm not good enough? I don't think I can stand the heat of being criticized."

**"But what if you are good? What if you are wasting your talent? Your life?"**

"What if I waste my life fighting windmills?"

**"If you could ask Don Quixote I bet he wouldn't consider his life a waste."**

"The truth is that I can't really deal with failure, so why risk it?"

* * *

**AN: **Don Quixote (original title: The Ingenious Gentleman Don Quixote of La Mancha) is a novel written by Spanish author Miguel de Cervantes. The main character is Alonso Quijano, a hidalgo obsessed with chivalric novels. He adopts the name Don Quixote and sets out to revive chivalry with his trusted squire Sancho Panza. One of the most emblematic passages of the book features Don Quixote fighting an imaginary enemy: a windmill**.**


	16. Chapter 16

**"Vanquish the pessimism taking hold of your heart. There is always the risk of failing, but never forget there is also a chance of succeeding."**

"Your statement is perfectly logical, but can anyone truly live by it? We aren't fearless, you know. Being wary of the unknown is actually a self-defence mechanism – it keeps us from taking unnecessary risks."

**"Well said – 'unnecessary risks'. Forfeiting your dreams may help you find peace for a little while, but in the end you would be engulfed by bitterness."**

"If I could ever free myself from my fears and prejudices, maybe then I would be ready to become a writer."

**"The thing is we are never ready, but we go ahead anyway."**


	17. Chapter 17

**"Once, I read that Napoleon dreaded engaging into battle, but he did it anyway. To me that's courage – not the absence of fear but the fortitude to face it."**

"You would make a brilliant lawyer."

**"Never thought about that."**

"Overinflated ego aside, you are relentless and you surely make a good case – all the qualities a lawyer should have. Besides, whenever you are trying to convince me of something, you have this sparkle in your eye, this passion in your voice ... It's rather enthralling."

**"I bet it's nothing compared to the light in your eyes whenever you are contemplating becoming a writer."**

"Jeesh, I'm incapable of such a display of emotion."

**"You don't see yourself clearly."**


	18. Chapter 18

"Just so you know, my eyesight isn't impaired – I see myself quite clearly whenever I look in the mirror."

**"You are being deliberately obtuse."**

"I don't know what you mean."

**"Stop it."**

"What?"

**"Seriously?"**

"Ok, I give up – I don't even remember what this is about."

**"This conversation is so bizarre."**

"Yeap. Let's forget this really, really idiotic interlude ever happened."

**"You won't find any opposition in my corner."**

"Do you like strawberries?"

**"That's random ... I'm allergic to it. Once I ate a huge bowl of the fruit and almost died."**

"You didn't know you were allergic?"

**"I did. I just wanted to know what strawberries tasted like."**


	19. Chapter 19

**"Have you ever done something reckless and stupid just for the hell of it?"**

"Nope, I'm boring and straitlaced."

**"That's the image you project, but that's not what I'm asking you."**

"Like I would ever tell you my secrets."

**"So you have some. Interesting ... "**

"Maybe."

**"Oh, come on, tell me. I swear I won't tell anyone."**

"If this ever gets out I'm going to kill you, understand?"

**"You have my word as a gentleman."**

"And you will have to tell me a secret of yours – a really good one."

**"Okay."**

"I was the one who stole the principal's underwear and hang it on the flagpole."

**"That was you? That was classic."**

"Your turn."

**"It's kind of late. Tell you tomorrow, ok?"**


	20. Chapter 20

"I didn't forget."

**"What?"**

"Give me your darkest secret."

**"Do I have to?"**

"Absolutely, a gentleman always upholds his promises."

**"Fine. But if you ever repeat a word of what I'm about to tell you ... "**

"Too much stalling, too little telling."

**"IreadaJudeDeverauxbook."**

"You are kidding."

**"In my defence, it was called 'The Black Lion' and ... "**

"You thought it was about a black lion."

**"Stop laughing, it was a honest mistake! My American cousin said it was awesome, but I should have known better."**

"Why?"

**"Jasper has the worst taste in music ever. Apparently, his literary choices are just as bad."**

"Yeap, I'm a girl and you would never catch me reading that kind of stuff."

* * *

**AN: **Jude Deveraux's "The Black Lion", originally published in May 1980, features the story of a tortured hero who finds his match: the spirited heroine who chaises away his demons and heals his soul. It's a chick lit classic with all the delights and trappings of the genre.


	21. Chapter 21

"You never told me if you enjoyed your romance novel."

**"Not really - the idea of love makes me nervous."**

"Care to elaborate?"

**"Familial love is an evolutionary necessity – it is a convenient bound that assures the protection of the weaker. To some degree, the same reasoning can explain love for the country, for a friend, for mankind. What truly seems out of place is romantic love, for there is no need to justify what's merely a biological function. So, why does it exist?"**

"We are the fruits of chaotic odds and the survivors of improbable circumstances, but that doesn't mean that there is a reason for everything we are or feel – nature isn't perfectly logic, neither are we."


	22. Chapter 22

**"I believe there is always a logical explanation, maybe we just don't have the means to understand it yet."**

"For one who so vehemently defends the pursuit of dreams, you have such a cold approach to human emotions. You know all those studies trying to figure out the physiologic cause of love? They make me want to scream in frustration. So, maybe there are hormones involved, but isn't that a simplification of what love truly means?"

**"Care to elaborate?**"

"Stealing my lines, are you? Love is what makes us rise above our baser nature in order to become the beings we yearn to be – it teaches us to be selfless, devoted, caring. It is what makes us human instead of beasts."


	23. Chapter 23

"Do you think they can see us?"

**"Who?"**

"The other creatures who inhabit the space unseen by our human eyes."

**"Are you talking about aliens?"**

"I'm talking about everything outside the realm of normalcy. I'm talking about what sensible people deny and the naive ones defend. I'm talking about extraterrestrials, ghosts, faeries and all the other creatures whose existence has never been proved, nor fully disproved. I'm talking about the other me, in another dimension, talking to the other you, wondering about the existence of you and me."

**"Where do you get these ideas?"**

"From the beauty of stars that shine even after their death."


	24. Chapter 24

**"If there are other beings, I think they pity our pathetic attempts at trying to comprehend them."**

"Like ants daring to wonder about the unfeeling Gods that populate their world. Like a prey rebelling against the fate of slacking the predator's hunger. Like the wind mourning the staid nature of trees. Like the light pities the darkness."

**"But look at the sky and behold the light shining through the darkness. It's not about defiance - it's a harmonic dance, a dynamic equilibrium. They coexist even after death and despite of its finality."**

"Maybe we should consider the possibility that there are no opposites – just different perceptions of the same thing."


	25. Chapter 25

**"Imagine the beauty of a world where all the eyes could see the same thing, the same way. "**

"Such world would be a bleak place for the underdog, the unpretty, the unconventional ... They would be denied the most fundamental human right: the right to hope. You see, stratified perceptions would lead to the irrevocable exclusion of all of those who were 'different'. As difficult as it is to cope with being in the minority, at least we have the hope that someone, someday will see beyond society's paradigms and truly see us for the first time."

**"You are not invisible, I see you."**


	26. Chapter 26

**"What is a person? The combination of crevices and protuberances covered by epithelial tissue? The sum of ideas, original or not, that we are compelled to expose as our own? The metaphysical concept of an ethereal self existing beyond the realm of the tangible?"**

"We are body, mind and soul. We are things of magic or the by-product of chaos. We evolved or we were created. We are alone in the universe or there are others like us. We have the capacity to choose and the freedom to wonder – we are what we decide to be."

**"That doesn't answer my question, just embellishes our own ignorance."**

"I know."


	27. Chapter 27

**"What happens to knowledge when our essence is a matter of choice?"**

"Think of it this way: while science is enough to comprehend the functioning and purpose of simpler organisms, as the complexity of the beings progresses, our knowledge decreases. Following this idea, comes the conclusion that only more advanced life forms could understand the mysteries of being human."

**"It's an intriguing thought – the impossibility of uncovering the bigger truths about yourself. Come to think of it, ignorance is a brilliant defence mechanism. Imagine the collapse of society if the inexistence of a higher purpose was ever proven."**

"Better to indulge in fanciful thoughts and beautifully construed illusions. Like Orwell said 'ignorance is strength' ... to endure life and push away the questions."

* * *

**AN: **The book "1984" by George Orwell features a world divided into 3 countries which, allegedly, are in constant war with each other. The "Party", headed by the enigmatic "Big Brother", controls every aspect of the citizen's lives. They brainwash people into compliance by the constant repetition of the following motto: "War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength."


	28. Chapter 28

**"Wilful blindness is responsible for some of the most heinous acts against equality, acceptance and tolerance. Take the riots for example: trouble has been brewing for quite some time, but nobody wanted to acknowledge that. Beautiful dreams won't change the racial tensions running amok in our society."**

"Ah, but _darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.**_ And what's love but a beautiful dream?"

**"I'm talking about living in the realm of dreams and forgetting about trying to make them come true."**

"But isn't hate and violence inherent to human condition?"

**"I have some thoughts to share about that. See you tomorrow."**

* * *

_** Quote from Martin Luther King._

**AN: **In 1981, the United Kingdom suffered serious riots across many major cities in England. They were perceived as race riots between communities, in all cases the main motives for the riots were related to racial tension and inner-city deprivation. The riots were caused by a distrust of the police and authority. The four main riots that occurred were the Brixton riot in London (April), the Handsworth riots in Birmingham (July and September), the Chapeltown riot in Leeds (July) and the Toxteth riots in Liverpool (July).


	29. Chapter 29

**"The nature of things should subverted by now. The world has evolved, nevertheless physical subjugation seems to remain as the primary way to enforce a desirable behaviour. The Age of Enlightenment has never truly arrived – we are still essentially the same as our antecessors."**

"Isn't your assessment a bit harsh? You forget about books and philosophy, art and science, they are all examples of humanity at its best – the triumph of reason over nature."

**"But they are hollow without the support of the majority – we are all bullied into 'believing' whatever seems to be the consensus amongst our peers."**

"Don't forget that opinions change and majorities become minorities, over time."

* * *

**AN: **The Age of Enlightenment (or simply the Enlightenment or Age of Reason) was a cultural movement of intellectuals in 18th century Europe and the American colonies. Its purpose was to reform society using reason (rather than tradition, faith and revelation) and advance knowledge through science. It promoted science and intellectual interchange and opposed superstition, intolerance and some abuses by church and state. _Font: Wikipedia._


	30. Chapter 30

**"Minorities elevated to the status of majorities tend to incur on the same sins perpetrated against themselves. It's a never ending circle of persecution – the eternal use of physical force instead of relying on a rational conversation."**

"It would be bullying all the same, even if milder or more veiled – an intellectual bullying."

**"Sadly, you are right. Apparently there isn't an easy way to guide humanity. Perhaps, we are genetically designed to respond to violence. Perhaps, we will never be ready to be completely rational."**

"Complete rationality would mean the extinction of emotions - no violence, but also no love. Imagine how cold such a world would be."


	31. Chapter 31

**"Without violence, there would be safety. Children wouldn't be afraid of being pushed around, there would be no intolerance, no crime. Wouldn't we be happier?"**

"Would you give up love for the sake of safety? I couldn't."

**"I suppose I could forfeit something as abstract as love for something as concrete as peace."**

"But you haven't felt the devastating effects of humankind's least desirable traits."

**"And you have?"**

"To some degree. I'm not adored and admired like you are – from time to time, I've been mocked and set aside, but the answer is no, despite my forays into the land of the excluded, I'm not an inhabitant of that desolate place."

**"I wish you had never known pain."**


	32. Chapter 32

"Because pain is an inescapable part of me, I learned to accept it, to love it. I'm as much a product of good experiences as I'm a result of the bad ones. There is beauty in embracing pain and turning it into something better: wisdom."

**"Don't you think that's a rather romanticized view? I particularly don't relish the thought that right now someone is being murdered, raped, dying of hunger ... It's unfair that, while I live a happy and sheltered life, there are people living without the basics. I can't accept it."**

"When you put it that way ... "

**" ... is hard being poetic about it, isn't it?"**


	33. Chapter 33

"As politically incorrect as it may be, I don't think that humankind is ready to embrace happiness as a permanent condition. We are still too animalistic to deal with the consequences of not having obstacles to overcome."

**"You mean that we would become indolent? Lessened by the platitude of an undemanding life?"**

"We aren't ready to abdicate our hold on angst – we love it, we thrive on it. Because of it we write songs, write stories, push ourselves towards success."

**"I disagree. It isn't angst that we hold on to: it is our sense of entitlement, the need to feel better than someone else. What we want is to feel superior."**


	34. Chapter 34

"If there isn't true superiority amongst humans, we are to accept that we are all equals, however I don't believe in the idea that we aren't intrinsically different from each other."

**"I never said we aren't different."**

"See? Your arguments can't survive scrutiny."

**"Don't look so smug. I admit that I phrased it poorly, but I was trying to convey the idea that, despite our differences, there isn't anything to justify the dominance of one human being over another."**

"You mean that our differences shouldn't set us apart."

**"Exactly. Take us, for instance: we are equals, but not the same – our differences are complementary."**


	35. Chapter 35

"I can't really say if we are different or not – you are such a puzzling human being that I'm not sure if anyone knows you, at all."

**"Who am I to you?"**

"Outside this place, you seem so remote, unattainable, actually. But here, you are warm hearted, approachable. It's like there are two people inside your body, both struggling to come to the surface. Which one is the real you?"

**"I never thought of it that way, but isn't that the curse of humanity? Being plagued by duality? Having to deal with invisible forces tugging our unsuspecting selves on different directions? I'm nothing much, just essentially human, boringly so."**

"You haven't answered my question."

**"I know."**


	36. Chapter 36

"Aren't you going to answer it?"

**"I was trying to, but without revealing too much. I should have known that you wouldn't let me get away with that. You are right, there are two people inside of me: the one I truly am – the one only you know, or is getting to know, at any rate – and the one I want to be, not for myself, but because that's what is expected of me. I am supposed to behave a certain way, to socialize with a certain group of people, to achieve a predetermined set of goals. Sometimes, I get tired – sometimes, I just want to be myself. That's when I come here, to you."**


	37. Chapter 37

"Don't let yourself be fooled: there is nothing wrong with the person you are. In all truth, I find the real you a wonderful person. I'm not very fond of your other persona, though."

**"Thank you for not mocking me."**

"Never thank me for that. Think of this place as a holy land, a miraculous piece of the forest which allows us to drop our defences and show our inner selves. Here we are free to say anything that pops into our minds."

**"Anything?"**

"Anything."

**"Tittynope."**

"Winklepicker."

**"Nudiustertian."**

"Oxter."

**"I think I haven't laughed like this in a long while. Thank you, for being you."**

* * *

**Tittynope** – a small quantity of something left over.

**Winklepicker** – style of shoe or boot in the 1950s with a sharp and long pointed toe.

**Nudiustertian – **the day before yesterday.

**Oxter – **outdated word meaning armpit.


	38. Chapter 38

**"I'd like to know how you perceive yourself."**

"Turnabout is fair play, I suppose. I see myself as an amalgam of things past and future – a timeless being who has the uncanny ability to live without tasting and to exist without notice. I'm abnormally normal, but I hide it underneath a coat of polished indifference. I'm just a girl like many others, hiding behind a mask of originality."

**"What a beautiful way to describe yourself! However, I disagree. You are not an ordinary girl – you are so sensitive, so beautiful in your own way, so brilliant in your own right."**

"You don't really mean that."

**"Learn to accept a compliment."**

"I will try."


	39. Chapter 39

**"We, humans, have such a weird tendency to accept the bad but fight the good. We have forgotten the truth of our nature – we are beings of reason and tolerance."**

"That's a rather simplistic view on the complex phenomena of individuality versus group dynamics."

**"Are you playing Hobbes to my Socrates?"**

"I believe that left to our own devices, without the support of moral or religious beliefs, we would be vile. But I don't believe in despotism as a legitimate means of social pacification."

**"Speaking against the Queen?"**

"Only if you consider her to be a despot."

**"I wouldn't dare. How about a compromise? Rousseau was right – humans are a blank slate."**

* * *

**AN: ****_Thomas Hobbes _**(1588 - 1679), English philosopher, is widely known by setting the basis of modern politics through the social contract theory. In his book, _The Leviathan_, he justified the need for an absolute government by stating that _"During the time men live without a common power to keep them all in awe, they are in that conditions called war; and such a war, as if of every man, against every man."_

**_Socrates_**(469 BC – 399 BC), classic Greek philosopher, believed in an "ultimate reality" (later developed by Plato) and in higher truths guiding the behaviour of humankind. Though one might deviate from the path of goodness, human nature is inherently good.

**_Jean Jacques-Rousseau_** (1712 – 1778), Genevan philosopher, contended that man was neither inherently good nor bad when in the state of nature (without civilization – the same as animals), but is corrupted by society.


	40. Chapter 40

"I don't feel comfortable settling for the easier way. I want the difficulties of the high road and the rewarding victory over my own nature. I don't want the strained peace of a person who settled, I want the well deserved retirement of someone who fought."

**"That's because you have the soul of a warrior, but not all of us have the will or the inclination to go to war. Some of us want to sow the fields and enjoy the peace of a quiet Sunday afternoon."**

"I would have never pegged you for a patient man."

**"Funny, but somehow I've always known that you are intrepid and fearless – my very own Boudica."**

* * *

**AN: **Boudica was queen of the Iceni people of Eastern England and led an uprising against the occupying forces of the Roman Empire in the year 60 A.D.


	41. Chapter 41

**"How bad has it been?"**

"Talking to you? Somehow, I seem to have found a way to survive the experience."

**"Not merely talking. Admit it, we are friends."**

"Of sorts ... "

**"Come on, now. The conversations we have shared would be impossible to duplicate with any other person. Our chemistry is unique."**

"Back to the megalomaniac persona, are you?"

**"Hey, I'm talking about us, of how especial we are."**

"I certainly am not especial."

**"Fishing for a compliment?"**

"Sometimes, I really dislike you. However, in all fairness, I'm compelled to confess that I enjoy your company more than I ever thought possible."

**"I wish I had found you sooner."**

"What do you mean?"

**"Paths not taken."**


	42. Chapter 42

"You know the dark, brooding type?"

**"Yeah, I was forced to read _Wuthering Heights_ last semester for a Literature project."**

"The anti-heroes paper ... Yeah, I remember. Anyway, the brooding type like Heathcliff holds no appeal to me."

**" And you are telling me this because ...?"**

"He has too many secrets and enigmatic statements – not an attractive trait."

**"I gather that you are an Anne Brontë type of girl ... "**

"How did you guess?"

**"You would never try to twist reality to fit into your mould of perfection. Besides, I saw you reading _The Tenant of Wildfel Hall_ the day we started meeting here."**

"Kudos for your observation powers. I have some of my own, you know. What aren't you telling me?"

* * *

**AN: **The Brontë sisters – Charlotte, Emily and Anne – wrote novels that are considered classics of English Literature. Anne is the least known of the trio, however her book _The Tenant of Wildfel Hall_ broke the romanticized paradigm of women's role in 19th century's society with a brutally honest depiction of debauchery and alcoholism.


	43. Chapter 43

"Despite your strategic withdrawal, you haven't evaded the bullet: what aren't you telling me?"

**"A lot of things, I'm afraid. Like the girl to whom I lost my virginity ... or what I fantasize about before going to bed ... or what I got for Christmas last year ... "**

"What is it, Edward?"

**"My family will be moving to the U.S."**

"When?"

**"We still have some time ... "**

"When?"

**"Less than a week."**

"When did you find out about it?"

**"Why does it matter?"**

"It matters because you shoved this friendship down my throat. It matters because you made me like you and now you are leaving!"

**"I'm sorry ... I just couldn't stand the thought of never getting to know you."**


	44. Chapter 44

**"Bella, are you okay?"**

"Yes, I'm over my emotional outburst. I'm sorry for such a pathetic display of emotion. I would promise to behave better in the future, but we both know that it would be void of meaning since you will be leaving in a few days."

**"Bella, don't shut me out. I swear I never set out to hurt you."**

"I'm not hurt, just a little unsettled by the abruptness of your news."

**"Don't play tough. It's not necessary, not with me."**

"Stop it. Now I see this for what it is: a distraction while you wait for the time to move on. You don't really care about me."

**"Don't presume to know my mind or my heart."**


	45. Chapter 45

"Unless you are planning to be straight forward, don't bother sitting."

**"I know you are angry, but can't we try to be civil?"**

"This is as civil as I'm willing to be."

**"It's your way or the high way, is that it?"**

"At least I'm honest and forthcoming about the rules of engagement."

**"Is this war? What happened to our easy banter? The fun you used to have?"**

"Crushed under the weight of your lies."

**"Why do you care so much?"**

"I could hide behind a wall of cool indifference, but I will not, not this time. I care because you made me like you and that's no easy feat"

**"Tomorrow ... I will tell you tomorrow."**


	46. Chapter 46

**"I've noticed you since I moved here. You have this aura about you, like you have already grown up while the rest of us are struggling to catch up. I wanted to be your friend ... to get to know you. I thought I had more time ... then one day I was given a deadline and the rest you already know."**

"Why did it take you so long to approach me?"

**"Because I'm a boy and we're stupid, the lot of us."**

"I should be angry but, for some unfathomable reason, I'm not."

**"So ... Will I see you tomorrow?"**

_"Tomorrow is pregnant and no-one knows what she will give birth to."_

* * *

**AN: **_"Tomorrow is pregnant and no-one knows what she will give birth to" _is an Eritrean proverb.


	47. Chapter 47

**"****_It is only the dead who do not return."_**

**"I'm glad you came. Sit by my side. Let's daydream about the future."**

"Oh, you'll be a ruthless lawyer; I'll be an underappreciated writer. You'll make millions; I'll rail against the unfairness of the world."

**"Or you'll be a successful writer and I'll be a sleazy lawyer, your books will be best sellers and I'll have to scam a sandwich out of the pimpled waitress."**

"I'll be overlooked, you'll be envied."

**"You'll be the belle of the ball and I'll be the one bedding the wallflower."**

"I'll become a bitter spinster, you'll marry a supermodel."

**"You'll find love and I will always remember the one who got away."**

* * *

**AN: **"_It is only the dead who do not return_" is a Romanian Proverb.


	48. Chapter 48

**"Thank you for this amazing array of cupcakes, juices and sandwiches. One might even call it a picnic."**

"Haven't you noticed the basket and the blanket? It is a picnic."

**"Feeding a guy is the fastest way to his heart."**

"Cut it out. I am trying to make a statement here."

**"Oh?"**

"I'm glad you decided to befriend me. Thanks to you I have finally glimpsed a life outside of my shell. Our time together will forever remain as one of my most treasured memories."

**"Thank you for telling me this. I know how hard it is for you to voice your feelings, but you've done it.**

**"Tomorrow, come a little later. Around eight p.m., okay?"**


	49. Chapter 49

**"Give me your hand."**

"What's the meaning of this?"

**"Today is our last day together ... Today we say goodbye. Let me sing my farewell whilst we dance under the moonlight.**

**"No witty remark?"**

"Not tonight. Tonight is for memories. Sing for me ... "

**_ "And she'll tease you_**

**_She'll unease you_**

**_All the better just to please you_**

**_She's precocious and she knows just_**

**_What it takes to make a pro blush_**

**_All the boys think she's a spy_**

**_She's got Bette Davis eyes_**

**_And she'll tease you_**

**_She'll unease you_**

**_Just to please you_**

**_She's got Bette Davis eyes_**

**_She'll expose you_**

**_When she snows you_**

**_She knows you_**

**_You've _****_got Bette Davis eyes."_**

* * *

**AN: **Kim Carne's version of _Bette Davis Eyes_ was a hit back in 1981, though it never made better than number ten on UK's charts.


	50. Epilogue

There is a bench surrounded by bluebells where an old lady sits every day. She is a great-grandma to one cute baby, a grandmother to four beautiful youths, a mother to two distinguished ladies. Once she was a mildly successful writer who gave up the glamorous life of a big city and a promising career to be with her first love. That's the official biography.

The unofficial one, the one that will never be known by a living soul is a bit more complicated. The career wasn't that promising and the big city brought nothing but hurt – as improbable as it was, she once saw the face of the boy she had loved so long ago. He held a red-headed girl's hand ... and it broke her foolish heart.

So, she went home to the boy to whom she had lost her innocence. He was a good boy who grew into an upstanding man. They had a happy life, filled with laughter and affection, but never love. They built a home on a location chosen by her ... it was a place to remember, for she had fallen in love in the meadow that became her backyard.

Years passed and she chose to forget the image of her one true love holding another girl's hand. As systematic as her mind was, she deleted the unpleasant memory and held on to the magic of the boy with the bold words.

Every day, at the same time she stood in the middle of the yard and allowed her mind to wander back to the season when everything had changed. As the years progressed and her legs started to fail, her attentive husband placed a bench for her to sit. He never knew the reason why she always went to the exact same place, every day at 9:11 p.m.


	51. Outtake - Edward

So many myths ... half truths devised to appease the minds of the ones left behind. Snippets of my life should be flashing before my eyes. The struggle to get here, the emergency call, the image of the plane crashing into the Tower, the woman I picked on a bar just yesterday, divorcing my wife, losing my child, becoming a father, the decision to become a fireman, the necessity to drop out of law school, knocking Tanya up, coming to America ... but none of this matters.

There is only a number ... of years, days, hours, minutes ... 20 years, 6 days, 12 hours and 48 minutes. It keeps repeating itself like a mantra ... a prayer for the unforgettable face of my first love, the one to whom life didn't allow me to return. 20 years, 6 days, 12 hours and 48 minutes since I left her standing at our meadow, crying the tears that I never meant for her to shed. 20 years, 6 days, 12 hours and 48 minutes since my heart was broken never to be mended. 20 years, 6 days, 12 hours and 48 minutes since I lost the future that was never meant to be. And then there was just a second ...

Just a second to remember her face as I stood mesmerized by the sight of the crashing ceiling about to turn that place into my grave. In the 78th floor of World Trade Center's South Tower, fate had scheduled a meeting with me and the other unfortunate souls trapped in that inferno of hate and heat. As I embraced my destiny there was just the memory of her face and the sweet oblivion of life interrupted.

* * *

**AN: **September 11, 2001 the World Trade Center was attacked by terrorists of the Al-Qaeda. The first plane hit the North Tower at 8:46 p.m., seventeen minutes later a second plane hit the South Tower. The impact hole in the South Tower extended from the 78th to the 84th floor. At 9:59 a.m. the South Tower collapsed. A recording confirms that at least two men reached the crash zone: Battalion Chief Orio J. Palmer and Fire Marshal Ronald P. Bucca – both men died. The attacks claimed the souls of 2.753 people amongst whom 343 were firemen or paramedics (_Source: New York Magazine – _).

**Thank you for reading.**


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